Energy is Everything

Before today I spent the last 3 and 1/2 days in my apartment.

The first and second day were Christmas-Eve and Christmas respectively.  The last day I was isolated by a torrential blizzard of 40+mph winds and over 2 feet of snow.  If you have never experienced something like this and you would like to, I suggest you have your friend grind up the remainder of your ice-tray into the margarita maker and throw the remnants into your face.  Imagine that 60x over for every minute you dare to venture outdoors.

I eagerly anticipated the 2 days off for Christmas.  I didn't have anyone here; all my good friends have left, and I just wanted some peace and quiet to enjoy what I enjoy.

Alas, 48 hours of talking to old friends on the phone and researching interesting topics leaves you with...well, it leaves Me with a sense of "Okay.  But who wants to talk about it"?

The third day was bad.  I was left alone to my own thoughts for too long.  I noticed that I love to think deeply about things but without feedback from my friends and family I am but a negative energy consuming my own life-force:  I am self-destructive.

After this realization I couldn't wait to get back to work today.  I had a rush of energy unlike what I typically feel after a weekend.  I wanted so much to perform my job to perfection:  And I did.  And it didn't amount to shit.

I was removing snow for 3+hours and I had 2 customers I worked with for 6+ hours combined and nothing came from it.  Aside from the snow removed it was an abject failure.

But I learned something very important.  I would rather fail constantly while trying to succeed than never try at all:  I'll even die early for it.

Sitting at home and doing nothing is no longer desirable to me as it once was.

Perhaps it took this isolation to consolidate that perception.  Whatever it was, even if I'm paralyzed from the waist down, I'd rather die young than be scattered to the dust without making an attempt at impacting the civilization that I owe so much to.